Tabula Rasa

Night, I hear the calling again, how long can I ignore it? maybe this will be the last time I burn. A constant battle inside me between my brain, heart and my soul. Locked in this small cage they all want to get away forever. The silence whispers its song while the moon cries with rain, the stars stare in eerie silence. What can I do take away the pain that leaves a stain on the mane of my confidence. Night, I want to write but the secrets suffocate my heart, night, rhythmic breathing invites me to a dance with instruments of hell which I want to extinguish. Shadows dance around the room when the clock strikes midnight, desire begs for help while guilt inflicts constant wounds.

Grasping for resolve I will paint a picture without a brush. Stating I don’t want a world without feelings, with personal opinions being choked down before they are born and songs of rebellion drowned in a glass of bitterness and disappointment. Nor I want to feel like young Werther ever again or this will be my end.

Staring in the mirror, behind the glass I see myself move independently of my actions studying my image. With a tight fist I break the walls of our anguish and reach out to pull the other me into this world. We hug like long separated twins and sit down in a dark room talking without words. Painting our nightmares on the canvas of fear then setting fire to it providing a glow of courage. Asking the night to cloak us in its darkness from the eyes of the moon we will waltz around the shield of a clock. Running through sands of time to get away from the crawling morning we will cheat time when we hide under a number. There we will fall in a slumber, filling our hollows, taking the broken parts and connect them into one. We will no longer be damaged, combining every cell until all is well.

With pain subsiding I come out of hiding and let the time catch me bringing me to the present, I no longer resent this world that I hold. Finally I am whole and the prolonged session of slow depression is gone allowing me to feel like I won.

It is nice to write again, it has been a long time. I was away due to work, laziness, holidays abroad. And I had that extra job as Hells personal trainer exe(o) rcising my demons. But that’s over and I have a new outlook on life.

Waiting for the right time to do something means you will probably never do it.

Advertisements

Author: Bartek D

Starting my first blog Penumbra. Read the introduction in the beginning to find out whats it all about and who am I.

4 thoughts on “Tabula Rasa”

  1. I am soooo happy to see you rising and never giving up. This metaphorical piece pretty much sums up what you’ve been holding deep down in you and it makes me feel good that you finally broke your silence and let yourself get lost in that beautiful mind of yours through this powerful post. Welcome back, Bartek! Will always be a fan of your talent, always!! ♥️♥️♥️

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Your post has profound meaning, not only to you – in terms of throwing the burden off your arms – but to us, knowing we can and should relate. The language used present more metaphors and wide range of words that my own post – the one of similar theme – has to offer. Smooth read through is my key indicator of a good text.
    Well done Bartek!
    Ps: Polskie imię, miło Cię poznać 🤣

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s