Suicide Girl

Today I was sitting on a bench in the park watching time pass me by when a girl sat beside me without even saying hi. Looking like she is about to cry without any introductions she started talking to me like we knew each other all along.


She said, “I must confess it turns me on when I cut my flesh, it feels like there is nothing left, I’m hollow, I’ll follow death if it’s a change from mundane Mondays.”


It caught me by surprise but I listened as she continued


“You know my pain, I’m empty inside, my veins pump only hate. Sometimes I feel like life isn’t real and my brain is too busy and my mind doesn’t ever heal. I could never shut it off so I rather shut it down, do it right the first time, I’m not trying to mess around. I considered my garage foot revving on the gas, maybe a slash and a gasp or quick violent blast.”


Looking into each other’s eyes we smiled at one another but the smile was a mask of the memories past, with a calmness I replied “I don’t believe in hell unless that’s what we are in, sometimes I want to free me soul straight jump out of my skin. It would be a short-lived win, I don’t believe in God but there is no need for this mortal sin, have you thought about your kin?”


She sighed and said, “People do it all the time my family should be fine, I constantly feel like I’m running out of time.”


With timed interruption “If I only had a dime for every time you people think that lives you leave behind will be fine. It’s a cowards crime, you can scorn me for the words I delivered but don’t think it’s something I’ve never considered. The mere thought makes me feel withered, killing yourself doesn’t stop the pain either. You might not feel it when after you’re gone but you just pass it on to the to all those who care, and do not dare say there is nobody as not everybody knows how to say it. So by thinking you will be at ease you can spread an agonizing disease. But remember that even the worst storm has to pass, that every uphill climb has to eventually end in a smooth walk. And I understand that not all wounds can be mended by time but give yourself a bit extra and wait for the sun to shine. Life might now make sense but don’t leave the cinema before the seanse ends.

Like that she grabbed my hand smiling then she stood up shyly saying “I’ll see you around” and left.

Life gets hard but suicide is not a good solution to any problem, maybe you will remember it if dark times come.

All that the heart can give.

This is from a Polish song by one of my favourite artists I wanted to share with you, but can’t translate it word for word so that it will make sense to you. This is his story done my way.

A bunch of friends decided to travel to the Baltic Sea in search of some fun. As standard, they had few pre-drinks on a bench they were tagging, deciding where to go. Few broken bottles and a pill later they found this party on a beach, wooden hut, loud music and strobe lights, DJ shaking up the walls with some RnB from the radio. The place was jammed but they went in any way.

Once there everyone went their own way, some of them went to the dance floor the rest to the bar, our main hero liked being alone while observing strangers and sipping Jack D. Unfortunately the drink didn’t seem to help him with building up the courage to talk to some girls. Yet then an odd thing happened, a girl stopped right in front of him giving him a warm smile, her very large eyes combined with the hair made her look like one of the anime characters he likes. His heart fluttered and he felt as if an electric wire touched his very spine, pain discomfort and pleasure all mixed together, it sure made the sparks fly. Stunned by her looks he wondered if this is what love feels like but before any of them said a word the girl was gone, standing at the exit door of this party. With one finger she indicated him to follow, he looked around to make sure she means him and not someone else. He finished his shot of liquid courage and started to squeeze through the crowd passing his friends who didn’t even notice him, puffing up like peacocks to other girls. He saw her standing on the beach, her smile melted his heart while her gaze looked straight into it. Then she turned around and jogged away giggling playfully. Our hero shot out after her like cupids arrow passing few couples who looked like they are in a french kissing contest, after all, it was middle of summer and the full moon was out.

They were running like that for a while now, he shouted few times for her to stop but she ignored him and kept gliding effortlessly over the sand. By now the sand was getting wetter until he felt the edge of the water at his feet. He noticed her figure is slim and fit and almost tripped and fell when he ran by a thrown off t-shirt then shorts, bra and panties. The excitement with adrenalin and drugs had his heart racing, the guys will never believe him that some random chick just threw off her clothes for him he thought. He heard her laughter from the water and a soft voice saying “come to me” he didn’t consider if it’s smart or not and started stripping leaving his phone and wallet on the beach alcohol and extasy dulled his awareness of these cold dangerous waters.

He started swimming in the direction where he heard her last, calling for her he shuttered when he grabbed a wig of hair floating. “Is this a joke?” he asked after hearing giggling behind him, there she was, head above water laughing and dived again in a wave.

Then he suddenly screamed from the pain as something sliced his skin at the back of the knees. He flailed his arms trying to stay above water, scared to think what could have sliced his legs he watched the party bathed in the moonlight. Profanity flowed from him like his blood and stopped short when she emerged right in front of him. Milky grey skin with lack of ears and eyes on the side of the head triggered the primal fear he never felt before. In vain he tried to throw punches, she just flashed a menacing row of sharp teeth which he found out are razor sharp. With one quick bite, he lost 3 fingers after the last punch. She bit him by the ankle and pulled far from the shore. Then a sound pierced his ears, a hope-shattering ethereal keen like he never heard before followed by a sickening scene. Like a swarm of eels, children welcomed their mother slithering around in the growing pool of blood. The little ones loved playing with food taking tiny bites, screaming in pain he begged them to stop while they kept tearing muscles like a bull terrier a tire. Every now and then the mother grabbed him to keep him from drowning when they were getting to the bones.

It was the first and last time he felt such a cold when they sliced open his stomach, and before the freezing waters took him, in the glow of the moon, to his foolish love his heart gave out all that it could give.

Tabula Rasa

Night, I hear the calling again, how long can I ignore it? maybe this will be the last time I burn. A constant battle inside me between my brain, heart and my soul. Locked in this small cage they all want to get away forever. The silence whispers its song while the moon cries with rain, the stars stare in eerie silence. What can I do take away the pain that leaves a stain on the mane of my confidence. Night, I want to write but the secrets suffocate my heart, night, rhythmic breathing invites me to a dance with instruments of hell which I want to extinguish. Shadows dance around the room when the clock strikes midnight, desire begs for help while guilt inflicts constant wounds.

Grasping for resolve I will paint a picture without a brush. Stating I don’t want a world without feelings, with personal opinions being choked down before they are born and songs of rebellion drowned in a glass of bitterness and disappointment. Nor I want to feel like young Werther ever again or this will be my end.

Staring in the mirror, behind the glass I see myself move independently of my actions studying my image. With a tight fist I break the walls of our anguish and reach out to pull the other me into this world. We hug like long separated twins and sit down in a dark room talking without words. Painting our nightmares on the canvas of fear then setting fire to it providing a glow of courage. Asking the night to cloak us in its darkness from the eyes of the moon we will waltz around the shield of a clock. Running through sands of time to get away from the crawling morning we will cheat time when we hide under a number. There we will fall in a slumber, filling our hollows, taking the broken parts and connect them into one. We will no longer be damaged, combining every cell until all is well.

With pain subsiding I come out of hiding and let the time catch me bringing me to the present, I no longer resent this world that I hold. Finally I am whole and the prolonged session of slow depression is gone allowing me to feel like I won.

It is nice to write again, it has been a long time. I was away due to work, laziness, holidays abroad. And I had that extra job as Hells personal trainer exe(o) rcising my demons. But that’s over and I have a new outlook on life.

Waiting for the right time to do something means you will probably never do it.

Broken Retrospective

It was a day just like any other, or night? No, it was definitely an evening I am sure of that. I was having a barbecue with my girl in the back garden of the house. After some food and a beer, the mellow music in the background swayed us to spill the memories of the past. We reminiscing about collective moments and things we never told each other, the time flew by and the calm night sky was covered by a warm blanket of stars which of some fell to their doom leaving a trail for the swift eyes to follow. Gazing the tiny shimmers took us what felt like an eternity, yet an eternity you are willing to endure just for the few precious moments. More time passed and now the warm blankets were covering our bodies as well.

Before we realized we couldn’t think of more wishes for every star that has fallen so we were repeating the wishes by now, not that it matters as I always have one wish every time I see a shooting star. Then we noticed one of the shooting stars burn brighter and growing larger, clearly it was heading directly our way.

“What is that?” asked my girlfriend.

“I don’t know, an asteroid” I laughed.

“Don’t say that, wait, is it green?” she replied

“What the hell? it is glowing green, why is it not burning out yet?”

“Wish I knew, shit it hurts my eyes, I’ll try to take a picture” she quickly exclaimed with audible pain in her voice, she turned her head to locate her phone, and then something happened that she was lucky to miss.

The green light from the orb pulsed a bit brighter than it already was, this thing pulsed and I went numb, no, not numb, paralysed. Next was the pain, deep and sharp as if someone pushed a dozen of drills into my head at the same time. I was sitting there as if on a chair of tortures and yet the whole world around me was oblivious to my pain. The green light pulsed again and a sound came that startled my already freaked out mind. Imagine if some kind of hellish machine could roar and put that on full blast in your ears and you should be close to what I heard. Then the pain for a split second intensified even more just to immediately ease up. To my surprise, my memories started emerging and flashing in front of me.

I remembered talking to my friend Greg at work last week, he said ‘Just get it done so we can go home’. I saw parents holding hands, children playing in the schoolyard, my only friend in school grabbing me from behind ‘Where were you!’. I saw clips of documentaries I watched, animals, technology, wars, movies, extracts from books. I saw my friend Lucy saying ‘Yes!’ after I asked her to go to prom with me.

Why am I remembering it all? what is going on why can’t I fucking move? Another roar, the pain rose and so did the speed of flashing memories. Is that green thing going through my memories?

Lucy ‘Yes!’, what the f… I don’t know if I forced my mind or voice to push out ‘Hello can you talk?’ what am I doing I thought, it’s just a light. Roar and my teacher saying ‘Hello‘ to class then Lucy ‘Yes!’. I froze even though I seemed to be in some kind of limbo already. What do you want? was the next question I produced in my mind but there was no voice in my head now, I just felt immense hunger despite I just ate, or is that what this intruder of my mind is feeling. ‘Are you hungry?’ I thought, Lucy ‘Yes!’ ‘

‘What do you eat?’ it was a rapid fire of images, lightning strikes, volcanos exploding, atomic bombs going off, various projectiles hitting the target. Then another roar and more images, stars imploding, planets whithering like plants, strange fires and explosions, but I have never seen these thing meaning these must be the memories of the orb. I was screaming in my head ‘Leave me the fuck alone!’ but I was only struck by a swift ‘NO!‘ of my mother when she scolded me as a child. ‘What do you want from me?’ I knew it want’s energy and lots of it but I didn’t know what I have to do with it, I just saw a map then a compass and video a plant sprouting to life thanks to the sun. Shit the sun, is that what it wants? but would it no see it coming here? I could only hope this thing didn’t catch that thought but I was wrong. A vision of the sun burning right in front of me was presented, then my mother but with Lucys voice saying ‘YES!’

Not knowing what it is I took a gamble and presumed it has completely missed our sun so I asked ‘How do you travel’ then I saw tens of planets we don’t learn about in school, one planet than a blink and another then blink and another. Thus I presumed it just teleports. The exploding surface of the sun and my friend ‘Where?’ Stop I am not gonna tell you shouting in my thoughts. ‘Where?!’ it kept repeating it over and over but then the voiced and faces started to mix it was my mother, teacher, friends all asking where in the same demanding tone. I resisted as much as I could not to think of the solar system and that’s when it stopped asking the single question and the drilling pain came back like a kick to the face. Flashes of school classes and tv documentaries until a clear layout of our solar system was in front of me and the pain stopped and one last memory surfaced that was equally painful of whom which I forgot about until now, it was my father saying ‘You are a pathetic fool.’

The green orb shot off and the pain subsided, I let out a gasp of exhaustion and pain. My girlfriend finally grabbed the camera and turned back to where the light was.

“Wha.. where is it? I only turned for two seconds. And why are you so pale all of a sudden?”

My memories and will are broken, I remember my past but the places and faces are all wrong, twisted. I remeber talking with my mother at work last week and my friend scolding me when I was a child, but I know he is younger than me damn it. Yet what’s worse I am worried that this night might be the longest the earth has seen and that it might be my fault too.

. .

First Contact (2/2?)

I was certain that my previous post was the last, the probability was high since I was writing it awaiting my demise. Something happened, many things happened that I can’t explain, or don’t want to. And for some reason I was left alive, so sitting on the floor in the corner of the room I’m writing it down because no one will believe me, shit even I don’t want to believe it.

Last post was ended by my girlfriend telling someone in the other room that they need more blood and I was sure she will take it from me, especially when right after that she turned to me and stared deeply, her eyes shining for a split second. Being sure it’s my end I pressed ‘Publish’ to share my account of events. Right after that she turned her gaze back to the other room and said “No, not him, not yet.” This sent me into a vertigo as I didn’t know what to think good news was I wont be killed today but then she also said ‘not yet’ so it can happen any time. The strange thing was that she clearly had a conversation she answered to it kept her eyes on it but I didn’t see nor hear anything apart from her monologue.

I was in shock and still am to this moment. The news of the O’hara family spread quickly but there weren’t any more killings locally, thank for that. Then next night was similar to the one of the murder, she left at night, came before morning and collapsed in the bed. As you can guess I rushed downstairs to check for any bad signs to find her clothes stained again. This time there was less blood and nothing on the news the next day, but before I was sure she didn’t kill another person I felt like I was on a hospital IV filled with adrenaline constantly twitching and jumping at every sound.

Naturally my family contacted me soon after the post, they were concerned that something bad is happening that it could be a metaphor for depression. Straight away that showed me they don’t believe the post word for word so I dismissed their concern with just a story to kill the boredom. I had to make sure they don’t come around as I didn’t know what kind of danger they could be in. Than I was contacted by two strangers online, they seemed to understand me a bit more than others. The first person was Sonali motivating me that this can’t end here. The other was a person going by the nickname of IdeaProvoker also telling me not to give up that I should pull through this nightmare and share the story so others might learn about what lurks in the dark. As cliché as it might sound that nickname was spot on as it provoked ideas just like my situation by itself that I have to go to every measure required to survive.

My girlfriend or should I say girl-fiend was leaving the house more frequent during the day also. A thought came through my head ‘if she still comes covered in blood at night but there is nothing on the news maybe it’s animal blood?’. Taking a glance at my 2 dogs curled up beside me sensing something bad in the air I quickly called my parents with a lie that we are going a spontaneous holiday and im leaving the dogs with them for a while. When I came back without them she didn’t even notice which was odd even for her recent behaviour.

And if you wonder why I never went after her in the night even though I planned to I somehow was always asleep during the moment when she left so I had no trail to follow her. And then the nightmares came, well I hope they were nightmares at least. Did you ever have sleep paralysis? a nasty thing to experience. One night I opened my eyes to it feeling something heavy on the bed than on my legs. I managed to look around with my body paralyzed from fear to see a dark figure of a hag crawling on top of me pushing the air out of my lungs. Like previous times I experienced it my attempts to screams were futile but this time it was different my bed was surrounded by more humanoid shaped shadows staring at me studying me. My heart was on the verge of exploding and was almost pushed over the edge by the sight of another figure in the corner of the room, although I could not make out its features I felt its strong presence, it was tall with its head reaching the ceiling looming over the rest of the intruders. I’m guessing I lost consciousness because I awoke with a scream during the day.

The nights would come and so did they and all I could do is watch them and feel their heavy hands on me. That huge shadow was always there in the corner as well, it’s disturbing presence growing stronger. On the third night when it happened I didn’t pass out and after these things examined me the shape in the cornered hissed and snarled in a way that made my blood freeze in place for a moment then the things around my bed looked at it and left the room with this dreadful creature following stomping heavily. When the room was empty I was able to move which would mean I was actually awake all this time.

Next morning I found a dead cat in my living room surrounded by candles ‘what the hell is she doing? rituals? what the fuck is going on?!’ shoving away these thought’s for later I started to clean up the room disposing of the corpse and the rest surrounding it. I was going to clean the blood of the carpet , kneeling down to the stain I noticed something disturbing beside me, an imprint on the carpet. As if some heavy furniture stood there for a long time, unfortunately it wasn’t and imprint of furniture but from what I can best describe as pair of hooves. ‘Did she bring a horse to the house at night?’ I looked around the room and felt chills up my spine because there were only 2 of them. Whatever stood there was heavy and had only 2 hooves. I could be paranoid by that point but I swear at odd occasions I heard horse walking outside the house, other times I heard a stomp downstairs and find a cracked tile on the kitchen floor. It had oddly slow pace for a horse with big gaps between hoof knocking noises, but now I know it’s because it was something with just two horse legs and definitely wasn’t a horse or even an animal.

As for my girlfriend on the occasions she was awake and talking to me she had no recollection of any events and was angry at me for even implying she could have anything to do with all of it when I tried to ask her some questions. Looking for answers online was not much help, half of the accounts of haunting seemed fake or there was so many types I couldn’t pin the right one, hell I didn’t even wanted to believe she could be haunted by something.

Next day happened something that changed me something that I wish never did. It was afternoon I was in my bedroom doing something random to occupy my mind with something peaceful for a moment when I heard a noise downstairs, a rhythmic thumping sound. My body froze in place heart beating faster with every thump, the noise was getting louder realizing it’s coming up the stairs. By now the sound turned into loud pounding and was nearby, and then silence. Not the usual silence it was bit more sinister as if the world was put on mute, no outside sounds no creaking floors I couldn’t even hear myself breathing. A wave of cold came over my body and neck muscles became very tense, feeling the sensation of being pushed I was being forced to turn into the mirror on my right but when I looked into it my heart stopped and dropped.

I couldn’t hear anything because my head was held by something unspeakably revolting looming over me. Tall to the ceiling two large legs of a horse torso was human-like but the stomach entirely ripped out showing the bare spine and few ribs, its hands long ending in twisted twig like finders which were pressing into my temples. The head was surely of an animal but I couldn’t say which one because it was heavily decomposed, the combination of the sight and the foul smell had bile in my throat immediately. It pressed its fingers harder filling my head with piercing pain until it was so unbearable that I fainted. When I regained consciousness the thing was gone but I had this visceral feeling of not being alone. After a moment my eyes caught on focus I screamed in surprise and backed myself up against the wall because I thought someone is beside me, but when I looked there. I rubbed my eyes and the same thing happened I saw something beside me but when I tried to look directly there was nothing. I.. I  can only see them in my peripheral vision, they are all around me, but they don’t look right. Looking at me pointing their twisted and broken hands, grotesque figures all around me but gone when I try to look at them and these agonizing cries as if they were skinned alive, that’s just in my room, in the corner of my eye I see more of them through the window.

I don’t know if they can hurt me or not so far they are just standing there wailing. I moved to the corner with my laptop and headphones so I can’t see or hear them writing this. I don’t know where my girlfriend is, I think I stopped caring about that for the moment, I’m not sure how I am meant to function from now on. On top of that I have a feeling that they will be back at night to study me more and, and that horrible thing with them.

If anyone has ideas how to function, cure or fight it all I am eagerly awaiting your advice, after all I’d like to save my girl from it all. First I have to survive the night.

Probably My Last Post (1/2)

I write this because it is stuck in my mind all the time and I’m hoping that the nightmares will get easier when I share my story, that’s if I am still alive.

It all started a while ago I just didn’t notice the signs or at least I didn’t connect them together.

I am with my girlfriend for a long time and living together for few years now. She was always happy, radiating always the soul of the party. After few years, changing 3 houses and a town her glow started to dim. She started to cut her contacts having less and less friends as well as her hobbies started to fade steadily. With me being concerned with keeping my work to try put us back on our feet I blamed her behavior on new town, stress and our financial struggle, hell that’s how it affected me at least. I failed to notice that she was just becoming hollow as if her soul was slowly being drained.

Her behaviour was changing she would do odd things but then would always smile or laugh in a way that reminded me how I love her making me think she does it to make me laugh or just messing around. We own 2 dogs and she loves playing with them, but sometimes she does it like an animal as well, she would get on all four and started growling at them and sometimes biting them. It always looked funny but her growls were deep and with time started sounding less human. Imagine a very large dog growling viciously, its teeth showing saliva dripping snapping its jaws. That’s how she sounded even looked like it she took that stance like and animal just before it is about to attack then she turned from the dogs to me crawling towards me the noise getting louder, she would get on top of the bed trap me under her and with her face centimeters away from mine she acted like a vicious dog. I knew she was messing but it was very unnerving.

At random times she had mood swings one moment she was my decade long loving partner then she would become suddenly sad or angry sometimes furious other times she would all of a sudden be in pain. Strong physical pain that sometimes left her in fetus position crying. Of course her dignity didn’t allow her to tell me how bad she feels but I could see it. She usually brushed it off as menstrual pains and mood swings but it was happening more often than it usually did during periods.

She used to have nightmares as well, bad ones. Killings, suicides, accidents, often including family members. She told me there always was a presence in theses dreams or a voice telling her horrible things. Then she started waking up at night feeling a presence in an empty room. I don’ know why it all spared a thought in my head of my old interest in folklore and various supernatural and mysticism. Precisely I thought of  Hym and Andras, demons who haunt and posses humans. One feeds of the victims misery and self harm telling them horrible things that only they can hear always a tall shadow figure with long claws. Andras is a demon with an owls head constantly giving advice how to kill. I was concerned at first but let go later as nothing was consistent. As with my family practice we  put out a rosary on the frame of the bed, it really helps with keeping the dark presence from being in your room at night as many people suffer from this in my family but strangely only females now I realize.

Recently she started bursting out with random noises it was truly funny and cracked us both up laughing till our jaws hurt, weird noises funny body movements and laughter was quiet a show. Then it was getting less funny as it didn’t look anymore like attempts to make me laugh but like uncontrollable spasms as if her brain short-circuited or something.

Then there were the good days when we both forget about everything and it was one of these days we were laying on the bed watching tv and started messing around tickling each other etc. in the middle of it she started making these sounds again as if her tongue was twisting in impossible ways in her mouth shaking slightly. Since we were messing around I thought it will be funny pretend I’m doing an exorcism so I garbed the rosary holding it in front of her and said “Stop this and leave her alone!”. In that moment the rosary snapped in my hand falling down, we both froze in shock and since then I was really worried.

Two days later she mustered up her courage to tell me that just before the rosary broke she felt a burning sensation on her skin. I admit I got scared, my mind started racing. ‘What if it wasn’t an accidental break, what if there is something wrong with her, what if something possessed her? no, that can’t be it can it? is she still the same person?’ I think I was beginning to lose my mind.

It was only getting worse from there, she was whispering to herself which was giving me the creeps once I found her standing in a corner talking in a language I never heard before. The nightmares came back, she waking up in the middle of the night. sometimes I was too just see her face in front of mine with eyes wide open, every time i shrugged back with a gasp or a scream. Soon after she started getting up from the bed and leaving the room wandering around the house, first few nights it happened I didn’t want to know what she was doing but one time I heard her talking to someone so I rushed downstairs just to find her in the middle of the living room alone. I really hoped she was only sleepwalking but my guts were telling me that’s not it.

Last night I was woken up by the slamming of the front doors I instantly got up to find myself alone in the bed, it was 1:30am she came back around 5am shuffling around downstairs for a while. When she came back to bed she dropped dead and fell asleep instantly. I noticed she has partially wet hair and some kind of smudge on her chin, as it was still dark I couldn’t see what it was, and even though I should wake her up to question where she was I decided not to and went downstairs to check what she was doing. Something in my head clicked, she came to bed already undressed. I went straight to the washing machine. There was only a pair of jeans a sweater and a t-shirt, still cold from the chilly and damp night, I took them out and felt my insides rise and drop. All the clothes were stained with crimson coloured liquid. ‘is that blood? no it can’t be there is too much and she didn’t look or sound hurt’ I thought. From all the stress and sleepless nights I was met by a sudden and nasty nosebleed as could have been expected from the past. It was so quick or I was still stunned by the finding that the blood started dripping on my t-shirt. I was tired so without thinking I raised the stained shirt to wipe my nose no to ruin my clothes and me legs felt so weak I almost fell down, the colour of my blood from the nose was exactly the same colour as the stains on her clothes. Paralyzed I stood there thinking what to do, should I call someone, police, ambulance, anyone?

There was no point doubting it anymore, there was something wrong with her something bad. I didn’t go upstairs to her, instead I was sitting in the living room going over all the possible scenarios as of what could have happened when she was out. Did she kill someone or maybe she was trying to save somebody, maybe it’s not blood maybe it’s fake blood.

It’s 5pm now and I decided to write this up because I just watched the news. Not far from our house a family was brutally murdered by what seems to have been a wild animal, parents with 2 little children, the news reporter said the scene was too gruesome to describe on daytime news. Maybe I was in shock after the news, but I could swear I saw her undulate in midair through the hallway but when I turned to her she was already standing solid on the ground mumbling something under her nose focusing her gaze on something in the other room. I could only make out one sentence which sounded like “…we still need more blood…” That was enough to make my heart almost jump out so I’m rushing to get this out there since there is no denying that I’m the nearest source of blood right now and whatever she is planing she has a quiet big crave for blood.

 

This story is inspired by long hours of listening to ‘The No Sleep Podcast’ during the night shifts at work as well as daily prompts and is mostly fiction except with the whole rosary part haha just kidding but not really.

Try to imagine

Try to imagine, not all of you will I know that. The idea is for you to find out how some of your acquaintances feel like.

You live your daily life every day looks like the one before and the next with occasional changes. This day was one of them, you went out for a walk across your town, watching people living their careless lives. Then in the crowd you see it, that inhuman creature. Walking around people looking for its prey, for some reason everyone is blind to it but you can see it and that thought alone scares you. Your heart pounds and your eyes meet and you can feel its gaze pierce your soul from afar, you feel like breaking down on the spot but you manage to keep a poker face and turn back to your home with the hope it didn’t see you or at least didn’t realize you can see it.

You return home and lock all the doors to feel more secure, turn on the heating and put the kettle on to make this empty house feel like home. With your favourite brew, you take up your usual activities that take your mind off of what you saw today. Then the evening comes and you hear strange noises outside and all comes back to you. Your pulse rises when you hear your neighbor’s dog bark wildly and is silenced suddenly, you rush to double-check the doors are locked and go upstairs to your bedroom and close the door as well. You listen out for the strange noise you heard outside but there is nothing instead you hear someone trying the door handle downstairs, could it be a friend? A moment later you hear someone trying to open the back door. Your heart jumps to your throat, could this thing find you in your home? You sit still on the bed praying it will go away, and then your heart drops from your throat to the bottom of the stomach when you hear the floorboards creek downstairs and you remember you opened a window earlier because it got too hot from the heating.

Your panic level raises with every step that makes noise under heavy footing, you try to be still and silent hoping it will not enter our room but it gets harder when the scratching on the wall nears your bedroom door. You start to think about everything you did in your life wondering if you made the right decisions so far but when you see the door handle being pressed down you start to lose it. Your eyes are flooded with tears that fall on your shaking hands, the door opens slowly and you know there is no escape. At this point you stopped caring if you live or die all that’s left is to wait for what happens next.

The door opens fully and you sob harder, it’s all clear now, it has found you and you know you will be tortured relentlessly. It’s all clear this creature is Loneliness.

This is my vision of long-term loneliness, I hope it will give you an idea how some people feel because you will not see it at first glance because it all happens behind close doors. And even though you offer a simple solution of finding friends and being active often monotony and shyness will keep that person in shackles like ball and chain. So reach out first to someone from your friend list because they might be too shy do it themselves and you just could make a big difference in their lives.