Light in our hearts

You are my lighthouse in the storm. You make sure there is always enough light in our life, when the dark clouds come you swiftly dispel them with one move. When I fall you reach out your hand , when I fall into a deep hole you are there with a rope to climb. You are like the heroes of light.

You nurtured me from the moment of creation , you thought me all the important values in life so I can be a man nobody needs to be ashamed of and I do what I can to make you proud even though it doesn’t always work out but nobody is perfect and I know you understand that. Raising us wasn’t easy I see that now, but back then you did your best we didn’t notice and it worked. You thought me that a heart of gold can illuminate any darkness I come upon. So for years I wandered dirty rivers and undergrounds hammering away like Andy Dufresne looking for pieces of gold, to create the armour of gold for my heart. Finding piece by piece with every experience in life, many pieces were found with your help some given by you for free out of good will and care. Right now I feel I’m very close to completion and hopefully I will be able to bring light into life of others as you do to mine. I was lucky enough that when I was looking for gold I found a really precious gem along the way and plan to keep it for the rest of my life. And I have to thank you for accepting her as your and caring for her too.

I know I can always count on you in every situation, even when I moved away you chase after me to make sure we are doing well. Appearing out of nowhere with a helping hand when our foot slips. For this I am eternally grateful and willing to the sane for you when it’s needed.

One thing that I regret is that I wasn’t a better son but that’s for you to judge. What hurts me more that I so rarely tell you that I love you, I don’t know why I don’t say it but it doesn’t mean that I don’t love you. Not once tears fell listening to Dżem’s – List do m. in the middle of the night. Wondering why I don’t tell you I love you every day when my emotions for you flow like Niagara but I just don’t show it as I would like to. And every time I hear this song tears come to my eyes because I can literally relate to it more than I would like to admit.

Please never question your actions as a parent because you haven’t made a bad choice so far, and not Superman nor Batman can compare to you because your love is stronger than their powers combined.

Dad, I know you often worry about me because I’m sad and my blog doesn’t help me disprove it but trust me I’m OK and if (hopefully not) something would get worse I will let you know.

I also know this isn’t the place you should be reading it , it should be a ink soaked letter in your hands but I write here because I am proud of you and wish others could take example from you. I want to take liberty of speaking for my brother also when I say Mom, Dad we love you and thank you.

Can you call yourself a good parent?

This post will be for all the parents and anyone who can solve this mystery with a different solution than murder or psychiatric ward. Everything below is unfortunately real events and facts from our lives.

Let’s start with the basic information, the key focus is on my girlfriend and her family, a family of her of course 2 parents Paulina and a younger brother. At first glance everything seems fine and they will make sure it does just look like it but that’s just a front. By them I mean the parents and son. Paulina lives with me for several years and of course they are not happy with it. There are two main problems with this family, they treat their kids completely opposite no exaggeration and their mother hates me for no reason (yeah love you too mother-in-law). The thing is I can’t understand their actions there is no rational reason for them.

It was like that from a young age. Little brother gets hurt by someone Paulina is to blame for not being there. She needs to work hard for something he can just sit around. One example were their first tattoos. Paulina wanted a tattoo she found, after a lot of asking for it she came to an agreement if she gets good grades at the end of the year she will have it, so she worked real hard to and it payed of, sort of, she wasn’t allowed the one she wanted so she got the next best thing which was a lot smaller tattoo of a cat. Then comes up a little brother who wasn’t supposed to have a tattoo due to age and not doing any work for it but he just says he wants it and guess what he has a huge scorpion on his back.

When I first met them everything was fine their parents were nice to me even though it was fake I didn’t mind. Then I started dating Paulina and things were rolling down the hill and still do. It started with constantly earlier scheduled returns home and other minor things, after a year her mother just like that started hating me and every time she saw me she looked like Trump in Mexico. Her explanation? I have blond hair and she once knew a guy like that and she didn’t like him. Totally understandable right? 😉 There were few more similar reason that weren’t worth my time her main point was that I am not the right partner for her because I was young and she would rather she would find a rich Irish guy or two with a house and a good job so she won’t have to work. Mother of the year advice.

Of course that didn’t stop us like Romeo and Juliet we continued to meet even though she was “forbidden” to see me and anywhere she went she was accused of going to see me for which she was unfairly punished in forms of foul name calling occasional slaps and grounding. Unfortunately we lived on the same street so if I wanted to go anywhere I had to walk past their house and every time I was seen by her mother, Paulina was immediately called home, no mater where she was and still had to take shit from her parents even though there was no intention to meet me.

After harsh another 2 years she finished school and decided she won’t take it anymore and will move out but for the first timer it’s not easy to find a job or a room, so she looked and looked while in the meantime she was on social welfare getting next to nothing but that didn’t stop her parents from deciding that she has to pay rent, bills, and cook for herself if she had anything left. after a while she found a room to rent a and a job, 2 in fact so without hesitation she was gone and free. 2 jobs turned into 3 and I couldn’t allow it. The same week I finished school I moved in with her got a job to help her out and my family supported us too but not hers. Back to unfair treatment, her brother finished school and he didn’t have to pay anything at all and still doesn’t. I’m not talking bad about him, he just exploits the situation of course he helps them out sometimes but the point is none of the rules Paulina had to obey were placed on him and if that’s not enough he just had to ask for things to get them.

I have not seen her parents for years about 6, her mother avoids me like im some incarnation of Satan or carrier of Ebola. For years I drove Paulina 100km one way so she could see her family after they moved out but I wasn’t allowed into the house so had to go straight back. They never visited us at least when I was home. This year we were forced to move out so we decided on their home town with hope things will improve with time but now that hope is almost gone. We live here 5 months and they haven’t moved their lazy asses to an estate beside them to visit for a coffee or see just how are we doing while my own parents drive 100km almost every second week to see us. I guess I should make it clear that I don’t see them, Paulina visits them almost every week but always comes back a lot sadder as they stopped treating her as a daughter but more just like a guest paying more attention to everyone else but her and yet they call her daughter. Put actions behind the words you use.

Another example of their treatment? Paulina’s brother found a girl recently. Treating her like a real daughter should be support their relationship and allowed to move in with them they help her to find a job by sending offers while Paulina is always looked down upon for not being any different and constantly complained about even when she does exact same things that her brother or his girl do. They don’t even call her to find out how is she doing. Paulina call them only (I saw the call registers over years) and they complain that she never contacts them while it’s them that don’t put in any fucking effort.

I post it reluctantly with fear that after they see this it will blow into a bigger shit than it is. Then again deep inside I hope they will read it and finally get some fucking sense in their heads and understand that they are the sole cause of their daughters countless tears and sleepless nights over the years all the days she was sad not wanting to live anymore driving her to depression, that they will understand that they are destroying this wonderful girl like cancer from the inside. And I hope they will feel shame for years to come and most of all I want them to know that I look past their way of treating me, and that KARMA exists and she will fucking coming and I hope that then you will cry every night like she does.

 

And you? Can you call yourself a good parent? If you are anything like the ones above be sure your kids will never forget.