Today I was sitting on a bench in the park watching time pass me by when a girl sat beside me without even saying hi. Looking like she is about to cry without any introductions she started talking to me like we knew each other all along.
She said, “I must confess it turns me on when I cut my flesh, it feels like there is nothing left, I’m hollow, I’ll follow death if it’s a change from mundane Mondays.”
It caught me by surprise but I listened as she continued
“You know my pain, I’m empty inside, my veins pump only hate. Sometimes I feel like life isn’t real and my brain is too busy and my mind doesn’t ever heal. I could never shut it off so I rather shut it down, do it right the first time, I’m not trying to mess around. I considered my garage foot revving on the gas, maybe a slash and a gasp or quick violent blast.”
Looking into each other’s eyes we smiled at one another but the smile was a mask of the memories past, with a calmness I replied “I don’t believe in hell unless that’s what we are in, sometimes I want to free me soul straight jump out of my skin. It would be a short-lived win, I don’t believe in God but there is no need for this mortal sin, have you thought about your kin?”
She sighed and said, “People do it all the time my family should be fine, I constantly feel like I’m running out of time.”
With timed interruption “If I only had a dime for every time you people think that lives you leave behind will be fine. It’s a cowards crime, you can scorn me for the words I delivered but don’t think it’s something I’ve never considered. The mere thought makes me feel withered, killing yourself doesn’t stop the pain either. You might not feel it when after you’re gone but you just pass it on to the to all those who care, and do not dare say there is nobody as not everybody knows how to say it. So by thinking you will be at ease you can spread an agonizing disease. But remember that even the worst storm has to pass, that every uphill climb has to eventually end in a smooth walk. And I understand that not all wounds can be mended by time but give yourself a bit extra and wait for the sun to shine. Life might now make sense but don’t leave the cinema before the seanse ends.
Like that she grabbed my hand smiling then she stood up shyly saying “I’ll see you around” and left.
Life gets hard but suicide is not a good solution to any problem, maybe you will remember it if dark times come.