Meaning of life

Sometimes I wake up early to listen to the sunrise, and if you only knew how much the sun needs you to brighten up the day you’d be surprised.

Sometimes I wake up early to listen to the sunrise waiting for the sun to give me food for thought because I feel anorexic.

Sometimes i wake up early to listen to the sunrise and in the noise of the morning it said to me stay away from the lonely nights as you should know that silence like a cancer grows.

Sometimes I listen to the sunrise and one time it told me the meaning of life and I want to share it with you so I wrote it on a letter and I’m setting fire to it hopefully you can read the smoke.

Sleep Deprivation

I wanted to write about sleep deprivation because I suffered from it for a year and occasionally still do therefore I can account for some of the symptoms and give you my general experience of it.

Why did I suffer from it? It was basically out of my own will, I was thinking of the present moment for me and my partner and not future consequences. It all started with getting a second job. I was working already in a shop on a full-time position with random shifts while the open hours were 7am-10pm. I always did 40 hours there , 45 if you count the unpaid lunch breaks. After some time we tried to help what we thought to be a friend to find a job while he stayed in our apartment. We pulled some strings and got him for an interview and he was sure to get it. It was nothing special, cleaning the gym at night nonetheless it was a start so he could get money and look for something else. Being grateful for all our help he didn’t bother taking it so I decided to give it a shot as extra money doesn’t hurt (not entirely true). Starting every day at 10:30pm and finishing at 3:30am I was now doing 65hr a week, Yes I know some people do more but that’s not what it’s about. Did I mention that I was still going to he gym whenever I could?

For the most of the year when I was working I only slept 2.5-4 hours. So let’s get to facts and science, I will list the effects of sleep deprivation and comment me experience on each.

Generally, sleep deprivation may result in:

  • yawning – To be honest I don’t know if there ever was a day I didn’t yawn but during that period it occurred more often with each week.
  • aching muscles – very soon most of my muscles started to be sore and tense.
  • periorbital puffiness, commonly known as “bags under eyes” – commenting this seems pointless you know how it is with bags.
  • hand tremor – After a while I noticed my hands to be very shaky and getting worse for a certain period to a point where I occasionally dropped objects but then declined again for some reason.
  • headaches – I noticed them quickly and had them almost every day but they were minor and not worth complaining about , they were getting worse with less sleep while occasionally unbearable.
  • malaise – It was kicking in but wasn’t serious, malaise is feeling of unease, discomfort or pain and I had trouble to be comfortable anywhere.
  • confusion, memory lapses or loss – After few months I had trouble telling what day it was as going to work on monday and coming back home on Tuesday made it hard to track, I often forgot what I was doing when performing certain tasks and I had real trouble recalling events from previous days and weeks.
  • development of false memory – This was rare , it happened maybe 4 or 5 times over the year where I was completely certain I did some things that actually never happened most of it was work related like forgetting to order stock because I thought that last weeks events were actually happening yesterday etc.
  • depression – This is an uneasy topic to discuss due to many stages of depression and people not entirely understanding what it actually is. But after some reasearch I was well on track to it as common symptoms suggested I should have it I personally didn’t fell depressed but I can’t say I was happy either.
  • stye – Although it felt like it every morning, thankfully I did not have any bad swelling of the eyelids.
  • increased blood pressure – I did not check my pressure in that year so I can’t say anything except that it is normal at present day.
  • increased stress hormone levels – Stress was already part of the daily routine and kept increasing all the time.
  • increased risk of diabetes – we run into that risk every day but for now I’m safe.
  • increased risk of fibromyalgia – Check on that one, heightened pain sensitivity , tiredness , weakness in limbs , muscle twitching and few other symptoms.
  • irritability – Most of the time everything  irritated me, sometime it would come in waves where I was sitting happy and next second I was really angry and wanted to destroy everything in sight.
  • nystagmus (rapid involuntary rhythmic eye movement) – I am not sure, nobody ever pointed it out so it’s probably another false memory, so I say no to this one.
  • obesity – No, I lost 5 kg in first 3 weeks but regained it after few months and my weight was constantly shifting somewhere between 70-75kg.
  • seizures – Thankfully I didn’t have any
  • temper tantrums in children – I guess there is some child left in me, luckily I was able to very quickly control myself
  • mania – I don’t think I can assign it to me, scientific description is a little bit fitting but not full on.
  • Insomnia – This also developed but not in severe stages.

Making this list made me realize how bad it actually was for me, I always knew that sleeping so little while putting out so much energy is bad, but never thought so many side effects come from it. There is also many risks that come from it like diabetes , heart disease , growth suppression, and risk of car accidents.

Did you know that sleeping too little or too much can cause Turrets? Also it is impossible to stay completely sleep deprived unless you have Fatal familial insomnia which is very rare and as the name suggest is always fatal as there is no cure. It is impossible due to micro sleeps which we do involuntarily when we try to keep awake our brain goes to sleep for less than a second sometimes more which we all experienced when you try to stay up but every now and then your head falls and you wake up. I am still experiencing it at work during night shifts during monotonous tasks. I occasionally get short hallucinations with the micro sleeps which sometime are disturbing.

While moving houses last month I was driving 1000km a week and I had serious trouble staying awake and micro sleeps coming relentlessly. Thankfully I was lucky enough to not have an accident behind the wheel.

There is definitely more symptoms of sleep deprivation out there and to experience the ones I did you don’t have to be sleeping bad for so long they come on pretty quickly, so if someone tells you he doesn’t sleep well for some time be thoughtful and don’t annoy him more than he is and if possible just let them sleep.

It is time to cut this post short as I am depriving myself of sleep again by writing untill 2am. This post might be edited and extended so check back in near future and have a good sleep it’s worth it.

Luna

When Cheeba was growing up with us we still lived with my parents in a bigger house so she always had someone to spend time with. After a while we were able to finally move out to live on our own. We rented an apartment , not a perfect place for dogs but we had the ground floor with back door opening to a big grass area so it was making up with it. With both of us working Cheeba often had to stay alone even though we tried to minimize the alone time by coming home on lunch breaks. That was until we decided she should have a companion. Even when common sense together with our landlord said no we decided to get another dog anyway.

We got this litt… not so little dog which more often resembles a bear cub especially in the way she runs, to make our Cheeba happy.

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Even though she was form a private house by all means she can be called a rescue dog. She was not vaccinated, slightly malnourished, definitely beaten, terrified of men and children as well as involved sexually with siblings, father and other local dogs in the first 6 moths of her life which caused very serious problems which I’ll talk about later.

The first day we took her home she was interested in everything we were doing yet still very scared and would run to a corner when we did any sudden moves. Luckily she got on with Cheeba very well instantly. Walks to the park were often difficult, all depending on time. When there no people she was behaving like a perfect dog, didn’t even pull on the lead, but when there were people around especially kids and sometimes cars making noise she started to panic and wanted to run straight in amok. The fact that our apartment was adjacent to a primary school which was next to the only park in town didn’t make life easier. I consider myself fairly strong and trying to hold her while 50 little girls scream and reach out to her was a real pain in the ass. Fortunately since we recently moved she calmed down a lot.

At the beginning her separation anxiety was a big issue, since the apartment was not very big she couldn’t unload her energy and stress in a lot of ways so she ended up destroying a lot of things. Every day something different, from toys to shoes, books, documents etc, one night I left the living room opened at night and didn’t expect her to do anything while we are home but she decided differently and chewed our leather couch. Every time we went to work we worried if she will destroy something or not, hiding all valuables from sight yet it didn’t work, she always found something. We were tired of all the destruction so I decided that when we leave I will lock her in a hall where there was literally nothing and yet she started to chew on the floor skirting. So I bought an anti-chew spray sprayed half of the house, she stopped eating the shoes  but that’s all it did as she kept on chewing. It was the second or third time I decided to leave her in the hall and it was a huge mistake as this happened.

 

Yup she destroyed the feckin wall, isn’t that some desperation. And if that wasn’t enough the next day our landlord called he wants to do an immediate inspection because one asshole from management reported us for having another dog. I was able to postpone the inspection and  got to work with the help of the family and fixed it and no difference could be noticed.

In the end the solution was a muzzle which we put on from time to time.

Since then everything was fine and she became a lovey-dovey and didn’t want to leave our side, even now just a glance at her causes  her to wag her tail lay down ears to the sides and run to us happily licking and jumping.

Some time later it was time for Luna to be finally in heat, we thought she was until after one day of bleeding like she should she started leaking some kind of milky slime. Of course we went to the vet he gave her a shot and told to observe for changes. Unfortunately it was only getting worse, next visit to the vet was exactly the same, third time lucky or not so lucky for Luna. They have finally diagnosed a severe cervix infection which would definitely kill her within days. She had to stay with the vets for an operation during which they had to remove her uterus, ovaries and some associated parts which I can’t remember the name.

Thankfully she quickly recovered and joined us the next day, she was still sore and had stitches as well as antibiotics. We had to be extra careful to not tear the stitches as the were across her whole stomach and we had to regularly check if she is not bleeding. After the removal of stitches she was back to full health and happier than ever and to this day she acts the same like a little puppy which is about to get a treat. Every time she sees us even when we were just in a different room for a minute  she gets super happy and starts licking us. Maybe she knew she dodged the bullet and is grateful for every moment.

Now Cheeba and Luna have a lot bigger home and are happy as ever and are almost inseparable, they get anxious when one leaves the other and try to look for each other.

So that is her back story, and of course more recent events will be posted soon and some more pictures below.

Did I mention she loves putting her head out of the window when driving? a lot more than Cheeba does, have a look.

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Cheeba

We got this little wolf about 3 years ago when she was only 3  months old, born on 28 January 2014 just 3 days before me so we celebrate birthdays together.

When we arrived to the family who had the pups straight away we noticed the mother. She was enormous and looked like a real wolf. Terrifying like from a movie similar to the dire wolf from Game of Thrones.

The pups instantly ran out to us greeting and howling wagging their tails, we didn’t know which to choose until we noticed there was one in the back, shy, scared, close to her mother as the other pups didn’t let her eat with them and sometimes stomped over her.

She needed love and we had just that, plus we heard a more reserved puppy is easier to  raise (according to Cesar Millan). When the owner was pulling her out from the doghouse when she hid the screams and squeals she was making made me feel bad, but I knew we will make it up to her. On the journey home she was very calm in the car laying still most likely petrified until she laid her head on Paulinas lap and licked her.

We quickly got her a little harness and lead, some food and made her a comfy bedding but she was still sacred. We took her to the bedroom and put her on the place provided and she laid there frozen, she did not move an inch until the next morning. 100_3999

She laid all night with dog treats on her paws as you see in the picture and stared in the mirror watching us. Next day she was more comfortable in the room and started walking around, sleeping in different places. 100_4011

Soon she accepted she will stay with us and got more active and friendly playing around in the garden as she was still scared of walks outside of the house.

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Qucikly Paulina started teaching her tricks and proper behaviour with good effects, but you can’t change the fact cheeba was a little child that liked to mess around sometimes and show her anger in cute ways. One memory the whole family has when she got angry for some reason and tried to pull of kitchen utensils from the table making everybody laugh. DSC01569.JPG

It didn’t take her long to start sleeping in our bed instead of hers and she still does and gets annoyed when I tell her to get off. DSC_0277Yes I had long hair.

When she got acquainted with walking on the leash and going for a walks, in around the same time there was a dog show in our town , we decided to go so Cheeba could meet other dogs. We did not plan to enter it but while there we signed her up just for fun. Surprisingly our little pup won in 3 categories. The cutest dog , the best of mixed breed and the best tricks which was ankle biting while one walk way, it might not sound like it but it was hilarious as she tried to pull of my girlfriends shoes as she tried to walk. Our little winner got a photographs by a professional , a hamper , and a voucher for grooming, and she was proud of herself. DSC01552DSC01553

Since then she was growing quick and yet she is nowhere near the size of her mother even at present day. Cheeba turned out to be a smart dog which loves to travel and gets excited every time I open the car. There are some things that she can’t grow out of, one of them being stealing used socks and chewing on them, she goes to trouble of basically hunting them , even when we hide them she will figure out a way to get to them, and if we leave them in our sight she will wait until we look away and pounce on them like a cat. Other interesting thing is that she almost never barks, I’m not sure if she knows how to bark properly, instead she howls like a wolf and talks like a husky. Yes she can talk, I would show you but I can’t upload videos yet although you might find something on Paulinas Instagram. She can say “I love you”, “Hello” and “Luna” on command, She can count too, up to 7 as in Paulina says the number and she barks the amount of times or rather makes these short growly/howly/barks.

Loving to be outside she is our furry Usain Bolt, yes she is fast and can sprint for really long time. In many photos she looks like a super dog because we managed to capture her in full flight all paws off the ground.

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This is the general info about Cheeba and you will find out more if you follow the blog. For more pictures visit https://www.instagram.com/iluvenis93/

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