Sleep Deprivation

I wanted to write about sleep deprivation because I suffered from it for a year and occasionally still do therefore I can account for some of the symptoms and give you my general experience of it.

Why did I suffer from it? It was basically out of my own will, I was thinking of the present moment for me and my partner and not future consequences. It all started with getting a second job. I was working already in a shop on a full-time position with random shifts while the open hours were 7am-10pm. I always did 40 hours there , 45 if you count the unpaid lunch breaks. After some time we tried to help what we thought to be a friend to find a job while he stayed in our apartment. We pulled some strings and got him for an interview and he was sure to get it. It was nothing special, cleaning the gym at night nonetheless it was a start so he could get money and look for something else. Being grateful for all our help he didn’t bother taking it so I decided to give it a shot as extra money doesn’t hurt (not entirely true). Starting every day at 10:30pm and finishing at 3:30am I was now doing 65hr a week, Yes I know some people do more but that’s not what it’s about. Did I mention that I was still going to he gym whenever I could?

For the most of the year when I was working I only slept 2.5-4 hours. So let’s get to facts and science, I will list the effects of sleep deprivation and comment me experience on each.

Generally, sleep deprivation may result in:

  • yawning – To be honest I don’t know if there ever was a day I didn’t yawn but during that period it occurred more often with each week.
  • aching muscles – very soon most of my muscles started to be sore and tense.
  • periorbital puffiness, commonly known as “bags under eyes” – commenting this seems pointless you know how it is with bags.
  • hand tremor – After a while I noticed my hands to be very shaky and getting worse for a certain period to a point where I occasionally dropped objects but then declined again for some reason.
  • headaches – I noticed them quickly and had them almost every day but they were minor and not worth complaining about , they were getting worse with less sleep while occasionally unbearable.
  • malaise – It was kicking in but wasn’t serious, malaise is feeling of unease, discomfort or pain and I had trouble to be comfortable anywhere.
  • confusion, memory lapses or loss – After few months I had trouble telling what day it was as going to work on monday and coming back home on Tuesday made it hard to track, I often forgot what I was doing when performing certain tasks and I had real trouble recalling events from previous days and weeks.
  • development of false memory – This was rare , it happened maybe 4 or 5 times over the year where I was completely certain I did some things that actually never happened most of it was work related like forgetting to order stock because I thought that last weeks events were actually happening yesterday etc.
  • depression – This is an uneasy topic to discuss due to many stages of depression and people not entirely understanding what it actually is. But after some reasearch I was well on track to it as common symptoms suggested I should have it I personally didn’t fell depressed but I can’t say I was happy either.
  • stye – Although it felt like it every morning, thankfully I did not have any bad swelling of the eyelids.
  • increased blood pressure – I did not check my pressure in that year so I can’t say anything except that it is normal at present day.
  • increased stress hormone levels – Stress was already part of the daily routine and kept increasing all the time.
  • increased risk of diabetes – we run into that risk every day but for now I’m safe.
  • increased risk of fibromyalgia – Check on that one, heightened pain sensitivity , tiredness , weakness in limbs , muscle twitching and few other symptoms.
  • irritability – Most of the time everything  irritated me, sometime it would come in waves where I was sitting happy and next second I was really angry and wanted to destroy everything in sight.
  • nystagmus (rapid involuntary rhythmic eye movement) – I am not sure, nobody ever pointed it out so it’s probably another false memory, so I say no to this one.
  • obesity – No, I lost 5 kg in first 3 weeks but regained it after few months and my weight was constantly shifting somewhere between 70-75kg.
  • seizures – Thankfully I didn’t have any
  • temper tantrums in children – I guess there is some child left in me, luckily I was able to very quickly control myself
  • mania – I don’t think I can assign it to me, scientific description is a little bit fitting but not full on.
  • Insomnia – This also developed but not in severe stages.

Making this list made me realize how bad it actually was for me, I always knew that sleeping so little while putting out so much energy is bad, but never thought so many side effects come from it. There is also many risks that come from it like diabetes , heart disease , growth suppression, and risk of car accidents.

Did you know that sleeping too little or too much can cause Turrets? Also it is impossible to stay completely sleep deprived unless you have Fatal familial insomnia which is very rare and as the name suggest is always fatal as there is no cure. It is impossible due to micro sleeps which we do involuntarily when we try to keep awake our brain goes to sleep for less than a second sometimes more which we all experienced when you try to stay up but every now and then your head falls and you wake up. I am still experiencing it at work during night shifts during monotonous tasks. I occasionally get short hallucinations with the micro sleeps which sometime are disturbing.

While moving houses last month I was driving 1000km a week and I had serious trouble staying awake and micro sleeps coming relentlessly. Thankfully I was lucky enough to not have an accident behind the wheel.

There is definitely more symptoms of sleep deprivation out there and to experience the ones I did you don’t have to be sleeping bad for so long they come on pretty quickly, so if someone tells you he doesn’t sleep well for some time be thoughtful and don’t annoy him more than he is and if possible just let them sleep.

It is time to cut this post short as I am depriving myself of sleep again by writing untill 2am. This post might be edited and extended so check back in near future and have a good sleep it’s worth it.

Boy and Girl

Let me tell you a short story about a boy and girl I know who tend to hurt each other without knowing it.

Focusing on the girl she was a real beauty, really, she didn’t even need make-up to turn the heads on the street. She was young, funny, charismatic, and the list of her good aspects is lengthy. The boy was average, at least that was his opinion of himself, but he had one trait he valued above his looks which was a heart of pure gold for that one girl. They met at a young age, she was 14 and he was 12 and by some miracle or some unknown force they struck the love at first sight as in some fairy tale, they felt like they won the lottery, in some way they did to be honest. You might not believe it but they are still together for almost 10 years now. Through time their love reached a lot of stages all the way from puppy love to being like an old married couple they held strong through ups and downs which life constantly threw at them.

Some time ago they reached their 20’s and life with technology got more modern, social media started to become addictive and demanding, everywhere you looked fitness posts smacked you in the face. Eventually they gave in to the trend and started going to the gym. And gym felt like falling in love again, they were hooked and there were no negative sides to it, they were achieving impressive results and were able to motivate each other. As you might guess from experience life decided to come and see how are they doing, displeased that everything was going so smooth it naturally had to throw in some bumps and bends.

The boy was not bothered by the fact he had to drop out of the gym and attend irregularly as his priority was always the girl. And when times often were desperate he always said “Stop worrying, we will make it because simply have no other choice.”       The girl was not happy with her poor attendance and sometimes less money meant less healthy food which resulted in body changes. She was not fat but getting further away from the body she was working for. Unfortunately the social media kept spamming her with pictures of athletes and models trying to brainwash her that this is the only body shape accepted by the society 7% fat and 60kg weight. Which in my personal opinion is not attractive.

It all started affecting her mood, she often was sad or irritated because she doesn’t look like the girls on Instagram, that her belly isn’t perfectly flat and her butt is not big enough. Mind you she was still perfectly healthy and stunningly beautiful, I am saying this as I have seen her.

The boy noticed straight away how she feels and did what he could to cheer her up. He knew he is not perfect but he tried and carrying a lot on his shoulders did not make it any easier. Juggling two jobs to pay rent and bills while trying to save something on the side and keeping his girl happy was no easy task. After all everything he did was for her and never otherwise eve when it didn’t seem like it. Meanwhile the girl was spiraling down with her emotions, the boys efforts were often not enough which made him feel like he’s not good enough. The girl often complained about her own looks sometimes even wept, but the boy could not understand her problems, to him she was pure perfection. She was his whole world and it saddened him that his world doesn’t see how much he loves her beauty. Every time she wept his heart was breaking and he told her she is the most beautiful girl in the world and loves her and he meant it as pure as can be but it was something she had trouble to see. So every time she wept and said she is fat he shed a tear, usually when alone as he didn’t want her to see him for weak.

Every time she cried so did he as he could not understand why, was it his fault? could he done something? change something? why can’t she see herself the way he looks at her? were his efforts not enough? after all his every action is to provide for her financially and emotionally. These thoughts were tearing him apart every time.

Little does she know, to him she is stuck in amber since the first time he saw her and no mater what size, shape, age she is, to him she’s always the girl he fell in love with and will love her no matter what she becomes. So you shall not compete with other girls on the web as they hold no candle in fact they are not even competition to you and you are everything to me. So I hope that when you read this you will feel better about yourself, and strangers may this apply to you too.

Love you,
Your’s truly.